Dr. Sirius’ Magical Pain Destroyer

Ripe black cherries, whole cloves, cinnamon sticks, and blackstrap molasses lovingly infused four weeks in Absolut vodka.

About the infusion.

Back east, a dear friend of mine used to make a sour cherry infusion with a pound of sugar, a pound of cherries, and a bottle of Stoli’s, parked loose-lidded in a dark closet for three months.  I had wanted to do this for a long time, and when my son, granddaughter and I came back from picking cherries with more than we could possibly eat and/or put up, I realized the universe had opened the door for me!

Camille and I pitted the cherries[1] put them in a large mason-style jar, and poured in 1.5 liters of Absolut.  Totally unplanned, I decided to throw in a small handful (approx 2 Tbsp) of whole cloves.  I swirled the mix every few days, and soon the cherries were bleached nearly white.  I stayed away from adding sugar, because if you want a drink to be sweet, use a mixer.  You can’t unsweeten something if you discover you overdid it.

About three weeks into the soak, I decided to take a small sample.

It was disastrous.

The taste of the cloves overwhelmed everything.  I strained everything out, added about a pound of fresh cherries, four cinnamon sticks and a tablespoon of blackstrap molasses to the mix, and stashed it back in the closet.  I also started two more jars of cherries in case I needed to use them to thin down the original clove infusion.

In another week, another taste test.  Much better!  Still too clovey, but toned down enough that this infusion would be perfect for addition in Sangria,[2] or Apple Cider, and didn’t really need to be thinned with the additional cherry vodka I was making.

On a whim, I tried it with Blueberry Lemonade, which turned out to be one of the best drinks I’ve ever had!

About the label.

This entire project has been full of mirth, and it seemed to me that a patent medicine label would be the perfect announcement on gifted bottles.  I lifted most of the copy from 19th century patent medicines, which promise cures for things we no longer hear of – St. Vitus dance (now known as Sydenham’s chorea), for instance.

Not to mention the sexist references such as, “vapors,” and “Neuralgia in the Head.” One can only imagine what “The Woman’s Friend” actually meant in 1850.  Perhaps it meant relief from hysteria,[3] or, as the term was also used back then, an abortion potion.

“Dr. Sirius” is a nod to my favorite phrase from Heath Ledger’s portrayal of the Joker, “Why so serious!??!”

Est. 1970 is a self-deprecating reference to my earnest but dodgy “experiments” in chemistry which began right about then, when I mixed household cleansers that I found under the bathroom sink.  I’m lucky to be alive on two counts.  First, mixing ammonia and bleach forms hydrochloric acid and releases chloramine vapor.[4]

Also, I started this fabulous and heedless experiment when my parents had gone out, and when I heard them climbing the stairs sooner than expected, I panicked and threw the whole mess out my bedroom window, which landed on the landlord’s concrete porch below.  That did not go undiscovered for very long, and I’m lucky my dad didn’t kill me.