Our home came with a double basin stainless steel sink in the kitchen, which Camille hated. It was not big enough to wash anything that was too big to fit in the dishwasher – roasting pans, large pots, my Wakizashi, and so on.
The builder, Cornerstone Homes (“Corner” stands for the corners they cut), never completed the installation of the sink. The sink itself did not have a single clip holding it in, and when we replaced the sink, we discovered the water connections were only finger tight. The trap had a small leak that I could not find, which began just after the warranty period ran out. I suppose it is because we are so terribly hard on our possessions that the faucet had recently begun to leak, so we changed that as well. This time, we selected a unit that cost a little more than the $4.99 Cornerstone homes apparently spent on the old one.
Over the past five years, there were many times that we smelled a horrid stench coming from the sink, and we could not figure out what it was. It turns out that the in-sink garbage disposal was such a cheap piece of crap that it was not grinding the garbage well enough to go out the drain, so there was always a collection of rotting food and debris in the throat of the disposal. We replaced it with a Kitchen-Aid, which is so incredibly quiet that you almost cannot tell when it is running.
The installation instructions for the sink and the faucet insist that the only tools you need are a straight slot screwdriver, a 1/2″ open end wrench, a 1/8″ allen wrench, and some plumber’s putty. Always remember that the people who write these instructions are so full of sh!t their eyes are brown.
You will also need a pair of Channel locks, an adjustable wrench, wire cutters, jig saw, scratch awl, scissors, putty knife, vise grips, utility knife, trouble light, ball peen hammer, drift pin, 3 pound sledge hammer, cold chisel, bench vise, #1 Phillips screwdriver, #3 Phillips screwdriver, tape measure, a caulking gun loaded with silicone adhesive, Teflon tape, ABS cement, 100 grit sandpaper, a bench grinder, rags and paper towels. You also need a working knowledge of material science, so you can overcome the trap doors and dead ends that arise, such as figuring out how to modify the spring steel clips that hold the sink in when you discover that the builder did not leave enough room under the sink to actually use them. (Perhaps that is why the original installation was never completed. More corners cut.)
And for the Kitchen Aid garbage disposal, you will need a #2 Phillips screwdriver, large channel locks, wire strippers, a soldering iron, rosin core solder, wire nuts, electrical tape, a strain relief and a polarized power cord. That’s right. A $300 in-sink garbage disposal does not even come with a f*cking power cord. Further, the box had been raided at the store (Judd & Black, Lynnwood), and the spring clamp for the drain port connection was missing. Jeff and I spent the afternoon driving around trying unsuccessfully to find a replacement. I wound up securing the outlet pipe with an industrial grade cable tie.
On the bright side, I got to do one of my favorite things – MODIFICATIONS! Also known as “solving riddles,” or “compensating for the stupidity of others.” Apparently, I chose a perfectly appropriate T-Shirt to begin the day: “What we need is a patch for human stupidity.”
Of course, this was also a fine excuse for the finest time-honored traditions of father-son bonding: bawdy jokes, blue language, pizza and beer. And no matter how much I complain about being forced to deal with the careless ignorance of other “professionals,” I do take pride in being able to improvise, adapt and overcome.
There is an old expression that any home repair project will require at least three trips to the hardware store. But sometimes, it takes less time for me to make my own hardware than it does to drive to Home Depot. Jeff likes to point out that my photos on this project are a catalog of OSHA violations. Sparks raining down on dry wood, no gloves, no goggles (there is a safety shield on the grinder).
Hey! What kind of adventure would it be without a little danger?
Besides – how else can I possibly justify wearing something as hopelessly un-cool as a shop apron? 😀
Finally, The Supervisor checks our work:
I got a smooch and a pat on the butt. Guess we did OK.